Psalm 18:19

This past weekend TJ and I went on a movie date - so much fun to get away together! - and we decided to see Real Steel. (J. Edgar wasn't at our theater for some reason, but I still really want to see that one.) It totally surprised me, I loved it. I laughed, I cried, I hated Hugh Jackman, I loved Hugh Jackman. In fact, the only thing that made me feel better during the first 1/3 of the movie was knowing that he seems to be a good dad in real life. Basically, the movie follows a deadbeat dad who sells his son to the kid's aunt, but has to watch him for 2 months while she goes on a vacation. He's into robot fighting, and the kid (who loves robot fights) forces his dad to take him along. Obviously it's a heart-wrenching, heart-warming tale of a father and son reconnecting. I really liked the ending, because it would be asking a lot to assume that there is an obvious answer to a complicated family dynamic like this. Well, actually it is simple, but not what I immediately dreaded the answer was going to be.

Anyway.

What really got to me was during a fight when the dad is telling his son that the best thing for him is to go live with his aunt and her husband, and he asks, "What do you want from me?" And the kid says, "I want you to fight for me!"

And my first thought was, I'm sure that's how all abandoned and abused kids feel. And I can't wait to have a child someday, even knowing that I can never explain why their biological parents didn't/couldn't fight for them, and that I can't fill that void. But I know what I'll say: God did, and he can. He fought for you, and I fought for you. And he will keep fighting for you, and so will I.

And then I thought, me too. I want someone to fight for me. There is a chapter in my bible that I wrote "God and Me" on a long time ago. I recently rediscovered it, and a verse I underlined in that chapter says, "he rescued me because he delighted in me". And I love that, because I know that I needed rescuing. Rescuing from sin, from myself, from the life that I thought was best for me. Thank God he knew when to step in and save me from myself. And I'm thankful he continues to do it when I start to make plans all my own. I don't know that we'll adopt. Right now it's a dream of mine, but it's in the future, and I don't know what God has planned between now and then. But if it's his will, we'll do the best we can to show someone that we will always fight for them, and that there is a God who loves them and fought with everything he had just for them.

Just... no.

What a crappy day.

It honestly wasn't a crappy day, just a crappy evening. Josiah decided to bring a bad attitude to the table, some plans I had been depending on fell through, and I didn't get as much of my list done as I planned because I had to deal with Stella's social security card.

Sidebar story: Last week we realized that we have no idea where Stella's social security card is. I can't find it ANYWHERE, and was very worried that I lost it, or someone stole it and is out there buying houses and boats and great shoes with Stella's number. How horrible to steal a 5-month-old's identity. I found a form from the hospital (signed by a nurse and everything) that stated the hospital would be applying for the card and it should be at our house in 5-6 weeks. My child is now 5 months old, and I have no recollection of such a card. I would blame this on my pretty faulty memory, but my husband, whose memory is excellent, does not remember seeing it either. And if he doesn't remember seeing it, it didn't come. So after calling the hospital, who directed me to Frankfort, who put me through the most obnoxious voice-activated menu system EVER, I finally connected with the SS office here in Richmond. That's social security, not secret nazi police. What did the second S stand for? It must have been in German. Anyway. They were very nice and told me to bring her birth certificate and a record of her shots or her bracelet from the hospital. I brought every form the hospital sent me home with, her bracelets and mine. After taking the kids all the way down there, corralling Josiah and keeping him from getting run over in the parking lot, I get a number, make small talk with people in the waiting room (who inform me that I need to make sure he does not hold his toy dinosaur while we're driving, as he could get hurt if I brake too fast - thank you, self-appointed traffic police) I get to the glass partition, start explaining my reason for being here and realize that I forgot her birth certificate. The lady very nicely looks at all my other information to get the ball rolling anyway, and then tells me they need her most current shot records. Luckily, our doctor's office is right across the road from the SS (that's social security) office. So I wrangle the infant carrier and 3-year-old back into the car, drive across the road, haul them in, wait in line, and find out that I can't get the records until tomorrow. I am actually happy to hear that. I now have no reason to go home, get the birth certificate, and do this all over again. Thank you for your help, I'm getting myself some yogurt from McDonald's.

BUT. My husband will be home from work early tonight, so we can hang out together at a decent hour. My kids are finally both in bed asleep, and Josiah hasn't tried to make up excuses to get up. (Some frequent ones include: need to go potty, need juice, need baby Stellabella, need a hug, need a kiss, and need to go potty again.) I'm going to make myself a cup of hot tea and relax now. Deep breath.

My To-Do List:

1. Finish laundry (for the day... like that's ever going to be finished!)
2. Second coat of paint on edges in kitchen (white over gray requires 2 coats)
3. Clean kitchen
4. Clean bathroom
5. Dust
6. Sweep/mop main floor
7. Make a couple of calls, respond to emails, etc.
8. Set out food for dinner

*Sigh. This is doable. And both kids went down for their nap 20 minutes ago, so I'd better quit wasting time on the internet and get after it. Somehow though, after putting out there for others to see, I'm more motivated than just looking at the paper list I made on my planner. :-)

Matt Hammitt - All Of Me (Single) w/ Lyrics

For National Adoption Month - I hope that if we are blessed to adopt a child, I never lose sight of the message of this song during the process.

Who's that girl..... It's Jess!

Well, we had a wonderful first Halloween in our first house. I wanted to take both of the kids trick or treating, but it ended up being in the middle of Stella's nap, and she's pretty fussy lately. I think her gums are sore, and when it ended up being chilly I was glad I didn't bring her.

I had the sweetest trick-or-treater though. After about 3 houses he stopped being shy, and was asking to go to "that house!". He's usually not scared of anything, but he wasn't crazy about the scary music several houses played. As soon as we would get close, he would start telling me there was scary music, but he still wanted to go. He was dedicated to the candy. :-) He got really good at "twick or tweat" after which he would say "thank you" and "Happy Ha-ween". He also got pretty excited when we saw a kid dressed up like Spiderman. We passed him at one house, and Siah kept saying, "Hey Spiderman! Spiderman! Hey! Wait for me!" He is so cute. My personal favorite was the house that had a parrot and a parakeet. The owners dressed up like pirates, and each had a bird on their shoulder. It took some time to convince Siah they were real birds. The creepiest house by far was the one that the funeral director lives at. He opened up the back of his hearse, and had a super-scary grim reaper outfit on, scary music, AND a vulture statue sitting beside him. But I tried not to judge and he seemed nice. I got to meet 3 of our neighbors for the first time and on the whole, grew to love our neighborhood even more.

I am also super-excited that there are new episodes of New Girl. I really want to make the theme song my ringtone. Or maybe everyone I call should make it the ringtone for when I call them. "Who's that girl? Who's that girl? It's Jess!" And it will be!

God is not joking around.

I feel very shell-shocked about the evening we just had. I hope that in my excitement my grammar and spelling are still legible.

I was told that a dear friend was praying specifically that we would have a breakthrough tonight, and I really feel like God answered her prayer. Tonight Andi Moore came with me, and she was so great. We walked in and there were already a few customers talking to the bouncers, so we briefly said hi and gave the bouncers the cookies I made before we went to the girls. I did get a chance to talk to the bouncer whose wife I might be able to meet with, and he let me know when a good time to meet with her would be and said she would be interested in meeting up, so I'm going to email her tomorrow.

We met 2 new girls, "J" and "L". This is L's first time working in the club, but she has family that work there too, so I fear it will be very difficult for her to leave once she gets sucked in. But prayer is more powerful than we know. Both J and L were very friendly and we connected on kids, pets, etc. The gifts this month were autumn stenciled pails that you put tealight candles in, which we filled with tissue paper, a cookie, some flowers and one of the Cherished cards that had a verse about love on it. Everyone liked the gifts. We then went to talk to "H" and "A", who were a little stand-offish last month, and they were very friendly and talkative. They seem guarded though, as if they like or don't mind the job. But they were friendly, and that was progress, especially for A.

We then headed to the dressing room and I ran into a girl, "S", who I met almost 2 years ago. We exchanged phone numbers, but then hers was disconnected and I never heard from her again. She immediately remembered me and asked for my phone number. She said she doesn't have any friends and she'd like to hang out. She's going through custody issues with her children, so I told her we'd be praying for the whole situation. Please pray that the system does what's right for the kids. I invited her to church and she seemed pretty receptive, and really wants to hang out, which is great. "M" was on the phone in an argument with someone while I was talking to "S", and as we got ready to leave, I went up to her and asked if she was ok. She said she has had better nights, and I told her I could see that. :-) I told her I would be praying for her, and she said thank you. Then I squeezed her arm and told her I loved her, and she said, "I know." I cannot express to you what that means to me. She told me she loved me too and then we headed out. Even more than her saying she loves me is knowing that she really GETS that I love her, and hopefully, that God loves her.

So we're heading out and I tap on the dj's door as we walk by his booth to say hi/bye. He was introducing a girl on the stage, but motioned for us to stop. Then he proceeded to tell me about a serious situation with a girl I know pretty well, who has been in the hospital for a week. She was in a medically induced coma and is supposedly being released soon. He wanted to give me her contact information as soon as he could get it, so "someone could maybe get through to her and get her out of this life". Wow. I was heartbroken to hear about her situation, as she's been working really hard to put her life back together - the details are hazy about whether she was in the hospital due to her own decisions, or if it was unintentional. The dj has all my contact info and said he would try to get me in touch with her before she ended back up in the club "because by then, it's too late" - his words. Please, please pray that I can get in touch with her and that God uses this to be the rock bottom she may need to completely change her life.

I can't even think straight, because I'm still processing this night. There is so much to pray for and hope for, but so much brokenness. Every visit makes me love them more.

Ridiculous Weekend

Not a fan of the weekend we just had. Not. A. Fan. Somehow our family caught easily the nastiest stomach bug I've ever had in my life. First Josiah started vomiting Thursday night and that lasted all night until Friday morning around 4:30 am.

*Random note: I just had to turn off my music, because it's hard to relive a miserable weekend when you're listening to Marky Mark sing Good Vibrations.

Anyway, so Josiah got better and then at 7 am Saturday I started getting sick. I seriously felt ill everytime I straightened up, and just curled in a ball on the couch and let Josiah watch Scooby-Doo. But God took care of me, and I stopped getting sick around 12. After that it was just a matter of feeling extremely achy and exhausted. In the midst of this, Stella contracted Hand, Foot and Mouth which is basically a high fever and lots of painful blisters and you can't do a thing for them besides give them tylenol. My heart just broke for her, she cried and cried and all I could do was rock her. I was so thankful that my round of sickness was a little quicker so I could take care of her. Then TJ came home from work Saturday morning because he'd gotten sick. He probably took the longest to get better, but by late Sunday afternoon he was ready to eat again. Terri (my wonderful mother-in-law) actually drove out here to take care of us on Saturday night, and it was such a huge blessing. She went and picked up sick food (i.e. the BRAT diet and 7Up) and medicine and took care of Josiah, who was running around being crazy, as he felt fine.

This morning I took Stella to the doctor - she was supposed to be getting her 4 month vaccinations, but we put it off due to her fever. Dr. Zabo said she looks great, other than the HFMD. But Stella slept well last night and seems to be feeling a little better. It's so terrible when you can't do a thing for them and they just cry and want you to fix it.

But life is better now. Stella's on the mend, I went to Hobby Lobby and bought supplies for my latest project (3 tooth fairy pillows for some sweet girls) and can clean my house free of sickness. Time to turn on the Marky Mark.