Lists are a fabulous idea.

As there is little to no chance of me making all the random blog ideas in my head calm down and become a nicely packaged post, I will succumb to the beauty and ease of lists. I love lists.

Notes from Christmas 2011:

• Every year I try to buy or listen to (thank you Spotify!) a new Christmas album. This year I probably spent the most time listening to This Warm December: A Brushfire Holiday Vol. 2. Contrary to many reviews I've read (mostly the two from Relevant), I do not really enjoy Rogue Wave. I did however, love the songs by G. Love. The Christmas Cookies song made me think of my parents, and I just like the swingy, hillbilly feel. I also listened to A Very She & Him Christmas and I didn't love it at first. It did grow on me though, and I was just past indifferent by the time Christmas rolled around. I love Zooey, but sometimes she's not quite my style. I tried to listen to TobyMac's new Christmas album, and decided that if I ever need to wind my 3 year old up any more than he already was around Christmas, that is the music to accomplish it. Needless to say, we did not revisit that one.
• I was extremely spoiled this Christmas. My amazing husband suprised me with a guitar! I didn't ask for it, but had mentioned a couple of times that I need/want to learn to play. I really didn't even consider getting my own, I was trying to decide who I would borrow one from. TJ is the best at figuring out what I would love without me even realizing it. We were at my parents for the Wood family Christmas and when we were completely done, he brought it out with a bow on the case. I cried. And then "pling-pling-plinged" for the rest of the day, to everyone's delight.
• We were in Ashland for Christmas Eve, and were able to go to TJ's grandparents church for their candlight Christmas Eve service. It was wonderful. I was a little in and out with Stella, who felt that the service needed some commentary, but it was great. I was in the foyer when they passed the "wine" part of communion, and one of the elders actually brought it to me. I was really touched. I also appreciated that in a full house, when Stella did make noise and jabber, I never got the feeling that anyone was annoyed or bothered by the interruption or bother. Only smiles from everyone who turned to see where the noise was coming from. Now granted, my baby is the cutest baby ever, but still. I only felt welcome at this church, and it was so nice to visit a different part of Christ's body and feel that unity and love.
• I think my favorite was having our own little Christmas on Christmas morning. We had come home late Christmas Eve night, and then slept in. When we all woke up and had some coffee (milk for Siah) we sat on the couch and read the Christmas story out of Josiah's bible story book. Then we let him open his presents from us (my favorite was the set of wooden cars that can be put together in several different ways) and then we had pancakes and relaxed. Later we watched The Lion King together in my and TJ's room, which is special because the kids aren't generally allowed in our room, much less our bed. It was so fun snuggling up as a family. Josiah lost interest and played with a toy he brought with him, but I loved it. I was asked to stop saying all the lines with the movie, but other than that, it was great.

Notes from January 2012:

• New Year's Eve was pretty fun - we had a Star Wars Fiesta. Which just means that we got a large amount of queso from Casa and then had a Star Wars marathon in the basement. TJ had spent the week between Christmas and New Year's working in the basement, rewiring electric and putting up insulation and walls in the "rec room" area of the basement. It looks great. He primed the wall that the projector projects on so that we had a good canvas to watch the movie on, and then we pulled the king-sized mattress that Joe and Kelsey were recently given in to the middle area and settle in to watch the epic battle between good and evil in a galaxy far, far away. We decided to watch them in production order, as the older ones are far superior. When Josiah was given a wooden sword (from a friend who visited a renaissance festival recently), he told me that he was a Jedi. :-) I love it.
• Life at church just hasn't slowed down at all. We took over another store in the mall next us and turned it into a new, much larger children's church area. It turned out very nice. This Sunday we move into 3 services, and I'm on worship. I'm really excited about it, and super thankful to my biggest brother for being willing to help us with the kids while I'm serving and TJ serves with the ushers and design team this week. It's so nice being near family to help out with stuff like this.
• I'm not one to make resolutions. I was talking over coffee with one of my favorite friends this week and did mention my ambition, goal, determination to curb my tongue. I've come to realize that I say "I need" a lot about things that I might not really need. It seems that in the same breath I'm grateful about something, I see and vocalize the next thing I need to make it better, go with it, etc. I really don't feel that I'm discontented, but I don't want to talk that way and teach my children that nothing is ever enough. It's fine, I think, to have a plan of things to do or maybe get in the future, but I want to make sure I am fully content and thankful for all the things God's given me, and that my kids learn to be happy with and grateful for everything they have. I also want to really be aware of and curb the way I talk about myself, i.e. my body image. I know that there are very few, if any women who are perfectly happy with their body/looks. And if I want to strive to be healthy and fit, that's great. But I really want to be aware of and stop the times I find myself comparing myself to others and becoming dissatisfied. I read a quote by (of all people!) Denise Richards, in which she said that she will not talk badly about her body in front of her daughters, because she doesn't want to teach them that theirs isn't good enough and they shouldn't be happy with themselves. And I feel exactly the same way. I want Stella to be content, not freaking out about whether she looks like the latest "it" girl. So I guess my resolution would be to be more content and thankful, and teaching my children to be the same way.

Well those are all the notes I can think of at the moment. I'd love to hear your goals or resolutions!

Cherished Outreach - December

It's been 2 years this month.

It's gone so fast. I don't feel like I've been going into the club every month for the last 2 years, but I have. God has brought me to a completely different mindset about this ministry than I had two years ago, or even last year. I think I've kind of (at least I hope) gotten past worrying about what the results are going to be. As in, am I ever going to help a girl quit this job, this life? I've been reminded and understand that I have nothing to do with it. Only God can bring change into such a dark prison as this lifestyle. I think I've also been able to hang onto the hope that the visits and hugs and conversations we have are more meaningful than I'm aware of. I hope, and depend on God's promise that His word will not return empty, but accomplish what He desires and achieve the purpose for which He sent it (Isaiah 55:11). I've also come to understand that for a lot of these women it's so much more than just quitting a job. That sometimes, when there's sin or unhealthy habits and behaviors in our lives, God has to work on the circumstances that keep us going back to it before he turns our attention to that specific sin or behavior. I got the opportunity this week to talk to a girl who has a friend who dances. She wanted to know how to talk to her friend and encourage her away from this lifestyle in a loving, effective way. While I was talking to her I was able to share that I've learned there is so much more to dancing than just a job. At least there is for a lot of the women I've met. Many of them have built their friendships, community and lives around the place they work. To just up and quit would mean so much more than just leaving a typical 9-5 job. Now that's not all of them, but for the women I've gotten close to in the past couple of years, it's true. So to try to quit without spending time around people who encourage you will be extremely difficult. So it's one step at a time. My hope now is that they know that God loves them, and I can build a relationship with them when they're not working.

Back to the visit tonight. Diana Brosius was so wonderful this month. She single-handedly came up with our gift of handmade, glitter ornaments (thank you Pinterest!). They turned out super-cute, and because we coated them with glitter on the inside they won't shed everywhere! I'm going to have to make some of my own next year. It was easy and fun. Hairmaster (Stephanie) Liby also donated free haircuts for the girls, so please pray that some of them call her and get their hair done. Last time we had 2 people use the cards, so pray that more take that step and let themselves be pampered and loved on. We also made chocolate drop cookies for the guys who were working. It was raining all day today, and bad weather usually means a lot more customers for the club. Not sure why, although I could probably come up with some theories. We didn't get there until 6:30 (we usually get there closer to 6, right after they open) so I expected a busy atmosphere, but there were only 2-3 girls there and 1-2 customers. Anyway, we went in and chatted with "M" the bouncer about his family's Christmas plans. I invited them to church, but they'll be out of town all day. We headed to the dressing room and got a quick hug and "Hey!" from one of the girls who was running back and forth. She did stop long enough to say open a gift and a card and was really excited and happy about it. "P" was the only other girl in the dressing room and I realized that she was one of the girls I met on the first night 2 years ago. I asked how her kids were doing, (they live with a relative who has custody) and she said she hadn't talked to them in a while. She acted very matter-of-fact and breezy about it, and said the relative is mad at her about child support. "It'll be fine once I send some money to her," she said. I asked how long it had been since she had seen them, and she said, "Two years". The she grabbed her phone, checked the date, and said, "Two years tomorrow". Her voice changed a little bit and for just a second you could see some of her pain. She changed the subject and we talked about her plans to be with her boyfriend for Christmas and what movie they wanted to see. I invited her to church for Christmas or New Year's but she said she'd probably be hungover. Honestly, I'm glad she said it. I'm so grateful to be trusted with the truth than to have her hedge and say 'sure yeah' and not come.

The dj came into the dressing room to say hi and we chatted a little with him about his move to another town nearby. His dad recently died and he has been busy packing up the basement in his dad's house, which also flooded while his dad was in the hospital. I expressed sympathy, but he seems pretty ok with everything. He said again that he'll "be in church soon", but we'll see. I know he means it, but I know how easy excuses can crowd out good intentions. We'll just keep after him.

And that was it. I went home knowing it was a good visit, but just sad knowing a lot of these women don't get to be with their kids or all their family for Christmas. And regardless of the reasons for that, it still hurts. It's reminded me to pray for people who don't have the happy, joyous holiday I do. I hope you do too.

Jessie's Must-See Christmas Movies

I hate to state the obvious, but this will be a list of my favorite Christmas movies.

1. While You Were Sleeping - My family watches this movie every year. It is a die-hard (am I right?) Wood tradition. There is nothing not to love about it. "Are you ok? 'Cuz it looked like he was, ya know... Leaning." My dad is constantly throwing out "John Wayne was a tall man" when our family conversations get totally convoluted. :-) There is also the awesome scene of a newpaper kid wiping out on his bike.

Favorite Quote: "I don't want any flowers from you, I am not wearing black underwear, and I definitely do not want to move in with you, Jo.. JACK."

2. White Christmas - Classic. Enough said. ~ Ok, of course I have things to say. I have been watching (most) of this movie every year since I was a child. We had a VHS recording (pirated off tv) of White Christmas that somehow was missing the last quarter of the movie. So for me, it usually ended soon after the "Choreography" number. Which I LOVED because of Judy's awesome outfit. My other favorite part was when Judy did the rehearsal dance with random dance guy right before they realize that Betty's leaving. My other favorite part is when the guys dress up and do "Sisters". Danny Kaye is hilarious. *Sidenote, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty was also awesome - although now I want to see The Court Jester, because according to Wikipedia it is his most accomplished performance.

Favorite quote: "How does a guy that ugly have the nerve to have sisters?" - "Very brave parents."

3. How the Grinch Stole Christmas - I'm not going to make some grand sweeping statement here like, "Jim Carey at his best", because I don't have time to go into that kind of argument or the research and thought required. But it could be. It's at least in his top 3. Regardless, I love love his Grinch and Christine Baranski's well-placed sighs of longing and regret, along with Molly Shannon's wonderfully casual theft of a traffic light for her Christmas decorations make it just that much better. But I think my favorite is Jim Carey's impersonation of Ron Howard as he tells Max how to play Rudolph. So awesome.

Favorite Quote: "We're gonna die! We're gonna die! I'm gonna throw up, and then I'm gonna die!" *Sidenote: I said this a lot during my pregnancy with Stella.

4. Four Christmases - And now we come to a new personal favorite. It's been on tv a lot, so I hope I don't get burnt out on it, but I love Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon, and Jon Favreau, and Kristin Chenowith. And Tim McGraw. And Mary Steenburgen. And Robert Duvall. And especially Katy Mixon. At some point this Christmas I will be doing my impersonation of her character. Especially if we play taboo: "This game is so easy."Her accent is the BEST.

Favorite quote: "I'd also like to give myself another gift. The gift of a scheduled c-section that goes routinely." - "Don't most women want to have a baby naturally?" - "Yeah, most women who haven't done it before!" also, "YEA-YUS!" (during taboo game).

5. Home Alone - I haven't seen this one in forever, but it makes me cry at the end and I remember laughing so hard I couldn't breathe when I was younger.

Favorite Quote: "Ma'am, I'm eight years old. You think I would be here alone? I don't think so."

6. The Santa Clause - I have a very special place in my heart for the Tool Man, and he did not disappoint in this movie. I prefer his reluctant, scroogy Santa to any other Scrooge, and that includes Bill Murray. Oh yeah. I went there.

Favorite Quote: (referring to the reindeer) "These are...a gift. Probably from the cable company. We're getting the Disney Channel now. Merry Christmas."

7. A Christmas Story - Another one I haven't seen in a long time, but a good one. I don't think there is much to say about this, except that the narrator is my favorite. That guy deserves an Oscar. So does whoever wrote the script. I should probably check to see if they did if I'm going to make statements like that. :-) This is another one that is hard to pick just one favorite quote from.

Favorite Quote: "Getting ready to go to school was like getting ready for extended deep-sea diving."

8. Miracle on 34th Street - There are things to love about each version, but the one I enjoy watching the most is the newer one with Elizabeth Perkins and the little girl from Matilda. I do love Maureen O'Hara, but her Doris was a little too harsh for me. I really like Elizabeth Perkins. And Natalie Wood is a great Maria, but you can't touch Matilda. Although now that American Horror Story is a thing, I'm not sure I can watch Dylan McDermott the same way. And to be honest, he's a touch creepy in the 1994 version. I did love Dark Blue though. That was a good show.

Favorite Quote: "We're going to get the catalog house, right. That's what I wanted. He took the picture from me and told me he will get it. I'm sorry Mother, but you are wrong."

9. Die Hard (see, I was making a joke earlier) - Nothing says "deck the halls" like jumping off a roof tied to a fire hose. (Not original with me, but I love that line, and it is so true). He saved everyone. Merry Christmas.

Favorite Quote: "Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister." and "Yippe-ki-yay, M**-F**." (I know it's a bad line, but it's become a classic and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I like it.)

Now obviously, there are some typical favorites that didn't even make my list. Elf is great, but it's not a must-see for me. It's just on tv way too much. I've never been in love with It's a Wondeful Life or any version of A Christmas Carol and I couldn't tell you why. And I just noticed that there are only 9 movies on my list. What movie would you add?

Cherished Outreach - November

Tonight was short, but very sweet.

Andi came with me again, and this month our gift to each girl was an individual pie-in-a-jar. They turned out pretty cute, and we wrapped them in ribbon and glued scrapbook paper to the lid with a note that said: "A(n) Cherry/Pumpkin/Apple Pie especially for you. We love you. Happy Thanksgiving".

I have to say I had a wonderful time making the pies with our associate pastor's wife, DeeAnn Miller. We baked together and then prayed over the women who would be receiving these gifts, and it was wonderful. I can't wait for next month's prep night to get together with more women to prepare and pray over gifts.

We walked in and chatted with the dj for a few minutes. I pushed him about all his promises to come to church sometime. I told him about going to three services, and he said a 12 service would be perfect for them. We'll see - keep praying for him. As I was talking to him, I spotted "C" who was in the hospital last month. I ran over and talked to her - she was a little stand-offish. She was perfectly friendly, but she's been warmer than that before. She said she's feeling much better. Apparently she had a heart attack, and heart disease runs in her family. She's feeling better but has to go back to the hospital weekly for tests to make sure she's ok. It hasn't affected her custody issues, which I was really praying for. I'm still praying for something to happen in her life that wrecks it and brings her to Jesus. While we were talking to her, 3 girls I didn't recognize came in, but when we went to the dressing room they weren't in there. I heard a few months ago that there were "new girls" that were having serious friction and physical fights with the "old girls" and that the "new girls" get dressed in the bathroom. But I didn't feel like we should chase them down. We chatted with a bartender in the dressing room for a few minutes about her Thanksgiving plans and then headed out. She's a sweetheart, and mentioned that she doesn't like the holidays but didn't elaborate or seem to want to go into it.

It was a good visit. Nothing monumental, but a sweet visit. Jesus, move in that place.

Upcoming Cherished Visit

I'm so excited about the gifts for this month's Cherished visit. We're doing individual pie-in-a-jar's!

http://www.ourbestbites.com/2009/09/single-serving-pie-in-a-jar/

Psalm 18:19

This past weekend TJ and I went on a movie date - so much fun to get away together! - and we decided to see Real Steel. (J. Edgar wasn't at our theater for some reason, but I still really want to see that one.) It totally surprised me, I loved it. I laughed, I cried, I hated Hugh Jackman, I loved Hugh Jackman. In fact, the only thing that made me feel better during the first 1/3 of the movie was knowing that he seems to be a good dad in real life. Basically, the movie follows a deadbeat dad who sells his son to the kid's aunt, but has to watch him for 2 months while she goes on a vacation. He's into robot fighting, and the kid (who loves robot fights) forces his dad to take him along. Obviously it's a heart-wrenching, heart-warming tale of a father and son reconnecting. I really liked the ending, because it would be asking a lot to assume that there is an obvious answer to a complicated family dynamic like this. Well, actually it is simple, but not what I immediately dreaded the answer was going to be.

Anyway.

What really got to me was during a fight when the dad is telling his son that the best thing for him is to go live with his aunt and her husband, and he asks, "What do you want from me?" And the kid says, "I want you to fight for me!"

And my first thought was, I'm sure that's how all abandoned and abused kids feel. And I can't wait to have a child someday, even knowing that I can never explain why their biological parents didn't/couldn't fight for them, and that I can't fill that void. But I know what I'll say: God did, and he can. He fought for you, and I fought for you. And he will keep fighting for you, and so will I.

And then I thought, me too. I want someone to fight for me. There is a chapter in my bible that I wrote "God and Me" on a long time ago. I recently rediscovered it, and a verse I underlined in that chapter says, "he rescued me because he delighted in me". And I love that, because I know that I needed rescuing. Rescuing from sin, from myself, from the life that I thought was best for me. Thank God he knew when to step in and save me from myself. And I'm thankful he continues to do it when I start to make plans all my own. I don't know that we'll adopt. Right now it's a dream of mine, but it's in the future, and I don't know what God has planned between now and then. But if it's his will, we'll do the best we can to show someone that we will always fight for them, and that there is a God who loves them and fought with everything he had just for them.

Just... no.

What a crappy day.

It honestly wasn't a crappy day, just a crappy evening. Josiah decided to bring a bad attitude to the table, some plans I had been depending on fell through, and I didn't get as much of my list done as I planned because I had to deal with Stella's social security card.

Sidebar story: Last week we realized that we have no idea where Stella's social security card is. I can't find it ANYWHERE, and was very worried that I lost it, or someone stole it and is out there buying houses and boats and great shoes with Stella's number. How horrible to steal a 5-month-old's identity. I found a form from the hospital (signed by a nurse and everything) that stated the hospital would be applying for the card and it should be at our house in 5-6 weeks. My child is now 5 months old, and I have no recollection of such a card. I would blame this on my pretty faulty memory, but my husband, whose memory is excellent, does not remember seeing it either. And if he doesn't remember seeing it, it didn't come. So after calling the hospital, who directed me to Frankfort, who put me through the most obnoxious voice-activated menu system EVER, I finally connected with the SS office here in Richmond. That's social security, not secret nazi police. What did the second S stand for? It must have been in German. Anyway. They were very nice and told me to bring her birth certificate and a record of her shots or her bracelet from the hospital. I brought every form the hospital sent me home with, her bracelets and mine. After taking the kids all the way down there, corralling Josiah and keeping him from getting run over in the parking lot, I get a number, make small talk with people in the waiting room (who inform me that I need to make sure he does not hold his toy dinosaur while we're driving, as he could get hurt if I brake too fast - thank you, self-appointed traffic police) I get to the glass partition, start explaining my reason for being here and realize that I forgot her birth certificate. The lady very nicely looks at all my other information to get the ball rolling anyway, and then tells me they need her most current shot records. Luckily, our doctor's office is right across the road from the SS (that's social security) office. So I wrangle the infant carrier and 3-year-old back into the car, drive across the road, haul them in, wait in line, and find out that I can't get the records until tomorrow. I am actually happy to hear that. I now have no reason to go home, get the birth certificate, and do this all over again. Thank you for your help, I'm getting myself some yogurt from McDonald's.

BUT. My husband will be home from work early tonight, so we can hang out together at a decent hour. My kids are finally both in bed asleep, and Josiah hasn't tried to make up excuses to get up. (Some frequent ones include: need to go potty, need juice, need baby Stellabella, need a hug, need a kiss, and need to go potty again.) I'm going to make myself a cup of hot tea and relax now. Deep breath.