After a long, full day.

I am thankful.

• for my huge, comfortable chair and ottoman.
• for my husband, who will forgo sleep in the morning so I can go to the eye doctor unencumbered by children, and who likes when I wear my Uggs because that means I'm comfortable.
• for an opportunity to work in an economy like ours.
• for Patty Griffin.
• for my children, who are fussy because they missed me and being at home today.
• for the ability to be a stay-at-home mom.
• for the opportunity to tell lost women that God knows them and he loves them.
• for a God who loves me even when I am so self-focused.
• for a job my husband enjoys so much.
• for jazzercise.
• for a cozy house in the rain.

#thatsahardteaching

I'm listening to the sermon from 2 weeks ago.

We're in the middle of series called #thatsahardteaching. Now that is actually pronouced "Pound - That's a hard teaching" instead of hashtag, because the pastor (ok, he's my dad) likes the emphasis of the word "POUND". :-) It's been a really great series, we've been going through the beautitudes. But 2 weeks ago, he felt called to switch the sermon on Sunday morning. The sermon was ... get ready for it ... women pastors.

GASP!

I don't know about you, but growing up as a Mennonite who didn't agree with women as pastors, this was a highly uncomfortable sermon for me to listen to. And I knew where he was going with it, and I don't disagree with him, but it was and is still slightly uncomfortable. The only thing I can say is that it's hard to undo what you've grown up with. But what I appreciate the most is the constant question he asks: "What does the Bible say about what the Bible says?" - and I'm challenged again to back up why I believe what I believe. This year I've been refreshed and blessed with a new hunger and thirst to read the Word. I started a "read-it-in-one-year" reading plan on the 2nd of January (I'm a rebel like that) and I'm enjoying it so much more than I expected. Even before this sermon I've been experiencing the exciting discomfort that comes from growth - seeing pride in places I didn't want to admit I was keeping it. Seeing a condescending, judgemental attitude I didn't want to admit I harbored. Seeing my insecurity for what it is - lack of faith and trust in God and his Word.

I'm not going to argue for or against women in leadership/women pastoring. If you want to hear the sermon I'm listening to, go to www.vineyardrichmond.com and select "sermons". Launch the sermon player, and play the sermon titled "#yourenotthebossofme". I hope that I keep bumping into uncomfortable, stretching teachings as I grow. My favorite line from the sermon this past week was "If you want to be comfortable, Jesus isn't for you". I'm done with comfortable. I want to be moved. I want to see greater things.

Cherished - January '12

I'm going to try not to cry while I write this one. When you pray for God to show His glory, it should come as no suprise when it actually happens. This past week, I felt like asking God to show me His glory in the visit this week. I felt weird about it though, and only did it once before today. Then this afternoon it came to mind again and I was suddenly SO excited about this visit. It was probably between 4:00-5:00. I started praying for God to go ahead of us in a huge way, to show His hand at work in a way that would be unmistakable and awesome. And He did.

Natalie Clemmons, a woman I've looked up to for years as a lover of Jesus, graciously agreed to come with me this week. It was her first time, and I'm excited to hear her perspective (I didn't have time to chat after we did the outreach) of the visit. I made "pie pops" (mini-pie-on-a-stick) for the bouncers and the gifts for the girls were fun headbands and clips that had rosettes and feathers on them. In the car before the visit, she asked what I wanted to express to the girls, what mission she should be trying to get across. I told her that I want them to know God loves them. I'm not trying to get them to leave their jobs or do anything. I think that the people there are all trying to get something out everyone else. The men want to feed their addiction and loneliness, and have to pay for it. The women want money and approval, and pay for it with their dignity and self-worth. Everything costs something. I want them to know God's love costs NOTHING. It just is.

When we walked in, something felt off. The guys were not sitting in their usual seats by the door. The regular bartender was there though, and he quickly explained that the manager, other bartender, and head bouncer had all quit the day before and were starting a new business together (not a strip club). He said the "D" the dj, was now acting manager and no one really knows what's going on. We chatted with him for a while about his other job, and I greeted and chatted with the waitress "S" as she walked by. She's very shy, but very sweet. I've run into her a couple of times at stores in town and she always smiles and says hi. I saw a guy sitting at a table eating, and the bartender told me he was the new bouncer, "C ". I decided not to approach him while he was eating, but as we walked by, he stopped us and asked if we were dancers and where we were going. When Natalie and I explained what we were doing, he asked if we were with Bruised Reed and Southland, because he had met those ladies while working in a club in Lexington. He quit for a while, working as an electrician, but is having trouble making ends meet, so he's back to bouncing clubs. He was very nice, and offered us some of the fruit he brought to eat. :-) We went into the dressing room, and I was disappointed to find it empty. We started to put the gifts on the counter when a new girl walked in. I didn't realize how long it's been since I explained what I was there to do until I got to say, "We just wanted you to know that God loves you, and we love you, and wanted to give you a gift." She started telling us about herself, she recently moved here and actually mentioned church. We asked if she had found one and then told her about Vineyard. She was SO excited. She said she had been looking up churches to visit and said more than once that it's so perfect we came tonight. She asked if we had drums at our church, because she can't go to a church that doesn't have drums. We told her the Vineyard is right up her alley! She told us that her boyfriend doesn't like her working there, but she makes good money. She said no one at her church knew/knows what she does, except for her dad. I told her she was welcome at our church, and she said "It's ok to have a stripper come?" and we told her definitely! I told her we wanted to see her grow in a relationship with Jesus. We gave her a card with the church service times on it, our names, my number and the church website. PLEASE pray that she and her boyfriend make it to church this Sunday.

After we finished talking to "N", we met "Sam". She is new as well, and mentioned that she got this job for the money, but she had wanted a factory job. I told her to check out Hitachi, and gave her the name of a good temp service as well, on a card with my email address on it. She has a little baby and enjoys having a job she makes money at so she can buy him things. She also told us that her baby's daddy died last year, but didn't go into any details. She has some family around her to be support, but please pray that she follows up on the info I gave her and looks into a new job.

We met a third new girl who was very friendly, and may have been on something. But as we left she shouted "Thank you so much!" across the dressing room.

I was able to poke my head in the office and say hello to "D" as we left. I said something about him being the boss, and he said "No way! Just until we figure out what we're doing!". Everything seems to be up in the air. Two girls that I love so much were in there with him being griped out for something, but they gave me hugs before I left. I did overhear "Sam" say how much she likes "D" being in charge because he's so much nicer than the previous manager, so it's good to know the girls are being treated better. After that we headed out the door.

It was so encouraging, so amazing. To hear "N" say over and over how perfect it was that we came tonight when she's been looking for a church, and be able to give job info to a girl who wanted a different job. Who knows what God's doing? Keep praying!

An Unexpected Blessing

For a while now, I've been wanting to give the girls who work at the club the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. If you haven't read this, please stop what you are doing and download it onto your kindle or nook, get it from the library, or head to the nearest bookstore. It is the greatest love story every written: the love story between you and God. Mrs. Rivers wrote this book based on the book of Hosea in the bible, in which God called Hosea to marry a prostitute. She continually left him and cheated on him, and he continued to love and bring back from her bondage. He did this to show His children that even though they were unfaithful, he still wanted them, chased after them, and loved them.

Back to my story.

Last Sunday I told a dear friend who prays for the Cherished minstry about wanting to do this as a gift some month. It will end up costing a bit more than we usually spend on the gifts, but I figured that I could round up a few people who would want to buy a book to donate. I knew she would be one of them, and found out she had never read Redeeming Love. I told her how great it is and that she should pick it up sometime. This Sunday she grabbed me and told me she was almost done reading it. She loves this book, and has been recommending it to her friends. Then she told me that she wanted to donate enough to buy almost all the books we'd need. She told me how much this book was affecting her, and that if just one girl actually read it all the way through and understood how much God loves her, it would be worth it.

I cried right there in the foyer.

God is so faithful. I was expecting to have to do a little more work to gather the money for the books, and in one fell swoop, through one person, God made it clear that He's got this. We're going to give them at the end of February, and I can't wait!

Lists are a fabulous idea.

As there is little to no chance of me making all the random blog ideas in my head calm down and become a nicely packaged post, I will succumb to the beauty and ease of lists. I love lists.

Notes from Christmas 2011:

• Every year I try to buy or listen to (thank you Spotify!) a new Christmas album. This year I probably spent the most time listening to This Warm December: A Brushfire Holiday Vol. 2. Contrary to many reviews I've read (mostly the two from Relevant), I do not really enjoy Rogue Wave. I did however, love the songs by G. Love. The Christmas Cookies song made me think of my parents, and I just like the swingy, hillbilly feel. I also listened to A Very She & Him Christmas and I didn't love it at first. It did grow on me though, and I was just past indifferent by the time Christmas rolled around. I love Zooey, but sometimes she's not quite my style. I tried to listen to TobyMac's new Christmas album, and decided that if I ever need to wind my 3 year old up any more than he already was around Christmas, that is the music to accomplish it. Needless to say, we did not revisit that one.
• I was extremely spoiled this Christmas. My amazing husband suprised me with a guitar! I didn't ask for it, but had mentioned a couple of times that I need/want to learn to play. I really didn't even consider getting my own, I was trying to decide who I would borrow one from. TJ is the best at figuring out what I would love without me even realizing it. We were at my parents for the Wood family Christmas and when we were completely done, he brought it out with a bow on the case. I cried. And then "pling-pling-plinged" for the rest of the day, to everyone's delight.
• We were in Ashland for Christmas Eve, and were able to go to TJ's grandparents church for their candlight Christmas Eve service. It was wonderful. I was a little in and out with Stella, who felt that the service needed some commentary, but it was great. I was in the foyer when they passed the "wine" part of communion, and one of the elders actually brought it to me. I was really touched. I also appreciated that in a full house, when Stella did make noise and jabber, I never got the feeling that anyone was annoyed or bothered by the interruption or bother. Only smiles from everyone who turned to see where the noise was coming from. Now granted, my baby is the cutest baby ever, but still. I only felt welcome at this church, and it was so nice to visit a different part of Christ's body and feel that unity and love.
• I think my favorite was having our own little Christmas on Christmas morning. We had come home late Christmas Eve night, and then slept in. When we all woke up and had some coffee (milk for Siah) we sat on the couch and read the Christmas story out of Josiah's bible story book. Then we let him open his presents from us (my favorite was the set of wooden cars that can be put together in several different ways) and then we had pancakes and relaxed. Later we watched The Lion King together in my and TJ's room, which is special because the kids aren't generally allowed in our room, much less our bed. It was so fun snuggling up as a family. Josiah lost interest and played with a toy he brought with him, but I loved it. I was asked to stop saying all the lines with the movie, but other than that, it was great.

Notes from January 2012:

• New Year's Eve was pretty fun - we had a Star Wars Fiesta. Which just means that we got a large amount of queso from Casa and then had a Star Wars marathon in the basement. TJ had spent the week between Christmas and New Year's working in the basement, rewiring electric and putting up insulation and walls in the "rec room" area of the basement. It looks great. He primed the wall that the projector projects on so that we had a good canvas to watch the movie on, and then we pulled the king-sized mattress that Joe and Kelsey were recently given in to the middle area and settle in to watch the epic battle between good and evil in a galaxy far, far away. We decided to watch them in production order, as the older ones are far superior. When Josiah was given a wooden sword (from a friend who visited a renaissance festival recently), he told me that he was a Jedi. :-) I love it.
• Life at church just hasn't slowed down at all. We took over another store in the mall next us and turned it into a new, much larger children's church area. It turned out very nice. This Sunday we move into 3 services, and I'm on worship. I'm really excited about it, and super thankful to my biggest brother for being willing to help us with the kids while I'm serving and TJ serves with the ushers and design team this week. It's so nice being near family to help out with stuff like this.
• I'm not one to make resolutions. I was talking over coffee with one of my favorite friends this week and did mention my ambition, goal, determination to curb my tongue. I've come to realize that I say "I need" a lot about things that I might not really need. It seems that in the same breath I'm grateful about something, I see and vocalize the next thing I need to make it better, go with it, etc. I really don't feel that I'm discontented, but I don't want to talk that way and teach my children that nothing is ever enough. It's fine, I think, to have a plan of things to do or maybe get in the future, but I want to make sure I am fully content and thankful for all the things God's given me, and that my kids learn to be happy with and grateful for everything they have. I also want to really be aware of and curb the way I talk about myself, i.e. my body image. I know that there are very few, if any women who are perfectly happy with their body/looks. And if I want to strive to be healthy and fit, that's great. But I really want to be aware of and stop the times I find myself comparing myself to others and becoming dissatisfied. I read a quote by (of all people!) Denise Richards, in which she said that she will not talk badly about her body in front of her daughters, because she doesn't want to teach them that theirs isn't good enough and they shouldn't be happy with themselves. And I feel exactly the same way. I want Stella to be content, not freaking out about whether she looks like the latest "it" girl. So I guess my resolution would be to be more content and thankful, and teaching my children to be the same way.

Well those are all the notes I can think of at the moment. I'd love to hear your goals or resolutions!

Cherished Outreach - December

It's been 2 years this month.

It's gone so fast. I don't feel like I've been going into the club every month for the last 2 years, but I have. God has brought me to a completely different mindset about this ministry than I had two years ago, or even last year. I think I've kind of (at least I hope) gotten past worrying about what the results are going to be. As in, am I ever going to help a girl quit this job, this life? I've been reminded and understand that I have nothing to do with it. Only God can bring change into such a dark prison as this lifestyle. I think I've also been able to hang onto the hope that the visits and hugs and conversations we have are more meaningful than I'm aware of. I hope, and depend on God's promise that His word will not return empty, but accomplish what He desires and achieve the purpose for which He sent it (Isaiah 55:11). I've also come to understand that for a lot of these women it's so much more than just quitting a job. That sometimes, when there's sin or unhealthy habits and behaviors in our lives, God has to work on the circumstances that keep us going back to it before he turns our attention to that specific sin or behavior. I got the opportunity this week to talk to a girl who has a friend who dances. She wanted to know how to talk to her friend and encourage her away from this lifestyle in a loving, effective way. While I was talking to her I was able to share that I've learned there is so much more to dancing than just a job. At least there is for a lot of the women I've met. Many of them have built their friendships, community and lives around the place they work. To just up and quit would mean so much more than just leaving a typical 9-5 job. Now that's not all of them, but for the women I've gotten close to in the past couple of years, it's true. So to try to quit without spending time around people who encourage you will be extremely difficult. So it's one step at a time. My hope now is that they know that God loves them, and I can build a relationship with them when they're not working.

Back to the visit tonight. Diana Brosius was so wonderful this month. She single-handedly came up with our gift of handmade, glitter ornaments (thank you Pinterest!). They turned out super-cute, and because we coated them with glitter on the inside they won't shed everywhere! I'm going to have to make some of my own next year. It was easy and fun. Hairmaster (Stephanie) Liby also donated free haircuts for the girls, so please pray that some of them call her and get their hair done. Last time we had 2 people use the cards, so pray that more take that step and let themselves be pampered and loved on. We also made chocolate drop cookies for the guys who were working. It was raining all day today, and bad weather usually means a lot more customers for the club. Not sure why, although I could probably come up with some theories. We didn't get there until 6:30 (we usually get there closer to 6, right after they open) so I expected a busy atmosphere, but there were only 2-3 girls there and 1-2 customers. Anyway, we went in and chatted with "M" the bouncer about his family's Christmas plans. I invited them to church, but they'll be out of town all day. We headed to the dressing room and got a quick hug and "Hey!" from one of the girls who was running back and forth. She did stop long enough to say open a gift and a card and was really excited and happy about it. "P" was the only other girl in the dressing room and I realized that she was one of the girls I met on the first night 2 years ago. I asked how her kids were doing, (they live with a relative who has custody) and she said she hadn't talked to them in a while. She acted very matter-of-fact and breezy about it, and said the relative is mad at her about child support. "It'll be fine once I send some money to her," she said. I asked how long it had been since she had seen them, and she said, "Two years". The she grabbed her phone, checked the date, and said, "Two years tomorrow". Her voice changed a little bit and for just a second you could see some of her pain. She changed the subject and we talked about her plans to be with her boyfriend for Christmas and what movie they wanted to see. I invited her to church for Christmas or New Year's but she said she'd probably be hungover. Honestly, I'm glad she said it. I'm so grateful to be trusted with the truth than to have her hedge and say 'sure yeah' and not come.

The dj came into the dressing room to say hi and we chatted a little with him about his move to another town nearby. His dad recently died and he has been busy packing up the basement in his dad's house, which also flooded while his dad was in the hospital. I expressed sympathy, but he seems pretty ok with everything. He said again that he'll "be in church soon", but we'll see. I know he means it, but I know how easy excuses can crowd out good intentions. We'll just keep after him.

And that was it. I went home knowing it was a good visit, but just sad knowing a lot of these women don't get to be with their kids or all their family for Christmas. And regardless of the reasons for that, it still hurts. It's reminded me to pray for people who don't have the happy, joyous holiday I do. I hope you do too.

Jessie's Must-See Christmas Movies

I hate to state the obvious, but this will be a list of my favorite Christmas movies.

1. While You Were Sleeping - My family watches this movie every year. It is a die-hard (am I right?) Wood tradition. There is nothing not to love about it. "Are you ok? 'Cuz it looked like he was, ya know... Leaning." My dad is constantly throwing out "John Wayne was a tall man" when our family conversations get totally convoluted. :-) There is also the awesome scene of a newpaper kid wiping out on his bike.

Favorite Quote: "I don't want any flowers from you, I am not wearing black underwear, and I definitely do not want to move in with you, Jo.. JACK."

2. White Christmas - Classic. Enough said. ~ Ok, of course I have things to say. I have been watching (most) of this movie every year since I was a child. We had a VHS recording (pirated off tv) of White Christmas that somehow was missing the last quarter of the movie. So for me, it usually ended soon after the "Choreography" number. Which I LOVED because of Judy's awesome outfit. My other favorite part was when Judy did the rehearsal dance with random dance guy right before they realize that Betty's leaving. My other favorite part is when the guys dress up and do "Sisters". Danny Kaye is hilarious. *Sidenote, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty was also awesome - although now I want to see The Court Jester, because according to Wikipedia it is his most accomplished performance.

Favorite quote: "How does a guy that ugly have the nerve to have sisters?" - "Very brave parents."

3. How the Grinch Stole Christmas - I'm not going to make some grand sweeping statement here like, "Jim Carey at his best", because I don't have time to go into that kind of argument or the research and thought required. But it could be. It's at least in his top 3. Regardless, I love love his Grinch and Christine Baranski's well-placed sighs of longing and regret, along with Molly Shannon's wonderfully casual theft of a traffic light for her Christmas decorations make it just that much better. But I think my favorite is Jim Carey's impersonation of Ron Howard as he tells Max how to play Rudolph. So awesome.

Favorite Quote: "We're gonna die! We're gonna die! I'm gonna throw up, and then I'm gonna die!" *Sidenote: I said this a lot during my pregnancy with Stella.

4. Four Christmases - And now we come to a new personal favorite. It's been on tv a lot, so I hope I don't get burnt out on it, but I love Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon, and Jon Favreau, and Kristin Chenowith. And Tim McGraw. And Mary Steenburgen. And Robert Duvall. And especially Katy Mixon. At some point this Christmas I will be doing my impersonation of her character. Especially if we play taboo: "This game is so easy."Her accent is the BEST.

Favorite quote: "I'd also like to give myself another gift. The gift of a scheduled c-section that goes routinely." - "Don't most women want to have a baby naturally?" - "Yeah, most women who haven't done it before!" also, "YEA-YUS!" (during taboo game).

5. Home Alone - I haven't seen this one in forever, but it makes me cry at the end and I remember laughing so hard I couldn't breathe when I was younger.

Favorite Quote: "Ma'am, I'm eight years old. You think I would be here alone? I don't think so."

6. The Santa Clause - I have a very special place in my heart for the Tool Man, and he did not disappoint in this movie. I prefer his reluctant, scroogy Santa to any other Scrooge, and that includes Bill Murray. Oh yeah. I went there.

Favorite Quote: (referring to the reindeer) "These are...a gift. Probably from the cable company. We're getting the Disney Channel now. Merry Christmas."

7. A Christmas Story - Another one I haven't seen in a long time, but a good one. I don't think there is much to say about this, except that the narrator is my favorite. That guy deserves an Oscar. So does whoever wrote the script. I should probably check to see if they did if I'm going to make statements like that. :-) This is another one that is hard to pick just one favorite quote from.

Favorite Quote: "Getting ready to go to school was like getting ready for extended deep-sea diving."

8. Miracle on 34th Street - There are things to love about each version, but the one I enjoy watching the most is the newer one with Elizabeth Perkins and the little girl from Matilda. I do love Maureen O'Hara, but her Doris was a little too harsh for me. I really like Elizabeth Perkins. And Natalie Wood is a great Maria, but you can't touch Matilda. Although now that American Horror Story is a thing, I'm not sure I can watch Dylan McDermott the same way. And to be honest, he's a touch creepy in the 1994 version. I did love Dark Blue though. That was a good show.

Favorite Quote: "We're going to get the catalog house, right. That's what I wanted. He took the picture from me and told me he will get it. I'm sorry Mother, but you are wrong."

9. Die Hard (see, I was making a joke earlier) - Nothing says "deck the halls" like jumping off a roof tied to a fire hose. (Not original with me, but I love that line, and it is so true). He saved everyone. Merry Christmas.

Favorite Quote: "Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister." and "Yippe-ki-yay, M**-F**." (I know it's a bad line, but it's become a classic and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I like it.)

Now obviously, there are some typical favorites that didn't even make my list. Elf is great, but it's not a must-see for me. It's just on tv way too much. I've never been in love with It's a Wondeful Life or any version of A Christmas Carol and I couldn't tell you why. And I just noticed that there are only 9 movies on my list. What movie would you add?