Ca-razy

My hormones feel totally out of control. And I come from a woman who believes you shouldn't ever use hormones as an excuse for bad behavior, but thank goodness I have a sister going into the nursing program to tell me I'm not crazy - just pregnant. :-) Just this morning, for example, I felt the urge to cuss out my phone when the rubber case caught on my hair and pulled one out. Both today and yesterday I felt alternating urges to cry or scream out of frustration when things didn't go my way, or when Siah misbehaved. Because he is 2. Which he cannot help. By 8:15 last night I was pouting and wanted to go hide in my room. It's pitiful.

Another example of the super-fun hormonal surges I've been experiencing has come in listening to the radio. I'm one of those christian radio snobs who doesn't like to listen to K-LOVE because it's too soft and sappy. Do we really need to listen to "I Can Only Imagine" or "Butterfly Kisses" one more time? Hasn't that train left forever? But lately even listening to some of the songs on Air1 has me tearing up. I'm starting to cry in my car listening to the "There Goes A Hero" song, sobbing to myself, "Jesus really is a hero." Then I'm laughing at myself. Don't get me wrong, I kind of like this. I don't want the salvation story to get stagnant, and I kind of like having a lot of emotion about it, because sometimes it's hard not to take it lightly when you've grown up in church. I just hope after this baby comes that I chill out a little bit. Because I'm feeling like a whack job right now.

SRFCMB - #3

Suzanne's Reasons for Continuing My Blog

#3 - "My Ministry"

The "my ministry" bit is a direct quote from Suzanne, but I'm kind of hesitant to call it mine. I've been putting off writing this post about Cherished just because I want to make sure I express myself well - particularly because I have no idea who all reads this and I want to be sensitive (which I'm not always the best at!) But to give you a little background, last December a girlfriend and I were talking about the Christmas outreach the Vineyard was about to do, and causes we were passionate about, and I told her about a woman in L.A. who had started a ministry to women who worked in strip clubs. The woman who started it had been a dancer, and wanted to find a way to let other dancers know that they were loved unconditionally by God. So she started going to clubs with little gifts and notes that just read, "you are loved". I read an article about her, and her group (called Treasures) in a magazine years ago, but it always stuck with me. I told my friend I'd love to do something like that, and she asked why we didn't. So we did.

After getting permission from the management and great support from our church, my friend Amanda and I started going to the local club once a month with small gifts and notes of love. We just wanted to go in and tell the girls they're loved. No strings attached. And for a long time, especially when we met someone new, the first thing she asked was, "What did I do to get this?" I know we kind of weirded some of the girls out for a while, but they seem to have accepted that we're just "those church girls" that come in once a month and bring a gift and talk for a while. It's been great to get to know some of the girls, and the staff as well. We've also taken baked goodies for the guys (the dj, doorman and bartender) from the beginning. We're not trying to shove church or God in their faces, but to just show them love the way we think Jesus would and did when he was on earth, and still does through his people. The goal of this ministry is not to change anyone, because only God can do that. We just want them to know that we, and He, love them. And if they want to talk to us about church or God, that's a bonus.

I'm not sure what I used to think about strip clubs and the people who worked there. Mostly I just didn't. It was a place that just didn't exist in my world. But I can't explain how much I love the girls I've met and see when we go to the club for our visits. I very quickly came to understand that they're people just like anyone else, and are no more or less sinful and lost than me. The only difference is that I came to a point where I was done trying to live my life the way I wanted, and decided to give up and surrender to Jesus - because he seems to love me and even like me a lot. And I know I don't even understand a small piece of his love. But if he could know the worst parts of me that I've kept hidden, and still want to come to where I am and be in a relationship with me, I want that. I need that.

Anyway, we're really excited because this coming month for our visit, because we're going to be serving a Thanksgiving meal to any of the staff at the club who come in. I really can't wait, and the girls I talked to at the club last month were really excited about it, so I hope it's something we continue to do. It's been so fun to have some of them open up more and more as we continue to visit them. At our last visit the DJ told me about his girlfriend, and pulled out his phone to show me her picture, and when I told the girls that I was pregnant, they were so excited. Everyone is always very grateful and excited to see what we've brought and I think they know that we really love them. And that's what we care about.

SRFCMB - #2

I now invite you to join me in part two of our series,

Suzanne's Reasons For Continuing My Blog

#2 - Josiah

So today was NOT a fun Josiah day. Actually, it started out great. In fact, overall I've had an amazing day. There was some great news regarding the Cherished ministry (which I will divulge in SRFCMB Part 3: My Ministry), I had to go take my new ride to get the horn fixed - because road rage requires more than a verbal beatdown of stupid drivers - and they gave me the CUTEST Volvo coupe to drive until it's fixed. I hope it takes a long time. I might start finding things wrong with my car so I can drive all the cool cars they have on their lot. THEN, I went to go get my hair cut and colored, and found out at the end of it that someone had anonymously paid for it ahead of time!!! I totally cried as soon as I got back to the hottie car. Plus, I love getting my hair done because it's more fun Stephanie time. I went back to my parents' to hang out for a little bit, and Josiah was super-cute with his drumming, which Grandpa immediately put on facebook.

But then.

It was time for Josiah's checkup. Just a checkup, but I knew he was going to have to get some shots. Now, I made a key mistake going into this appointment. Maybe two. 1) I allowed them to schedule our appointment smack dab in the middle of naptime, thinking we could get through it no problem. Rookie mistake. 2) I underestimated the memory of a 2-year-old. Josiah was great when we got to the clinic, he flirted with the receptionists, watched all the kids in the waiting room, and even followed one little girl around the lobby for a little bit. Adorable. He even did ok in the exam room, until the nurse came in and started trying to mess with him. I'm convinced he remembered getting shots from a nurse, because he didn't want her anywhere NEAR him. He cried through every minor check she had to do, the worst being when he had to lay down to be measured (36 inches). I could not figure out what the problem was, and kept trying not to keep telling the nurse he was overdue for a nap, sounding like a mom desperate to not be misunderstood for having a difficult child. :-) I do not have a difficult child. But I'm sure they all say that. The one thing I can say is that I really like our doctor, and she is super-quick with the eye and ear checks. And the nurse was very understanding, and tried to do what she could to make Siah more comfortable, which was nothing. We ended up getting the flu vaccine, which we did with the nasal spray. I actually did that so he took it a little easier, but then we had the shot, and our first finger prick. Very sad. He kept screaming, "OW-WEE" and I felt so bad for him. Especially since after the finger prick we had to force what seemed like a liter of blood into this little tube. It took forever. But we lived, and God provided a book about trains, which made the extra five minutes we had to spend in the waiting room at the end go by quickly, and tearlessly.

Now Siah is taking a nap, and I am happily relaxing with the computer and some Nickelcreek.

And I did not vote.

I think I will not go to hell, and the country will be ok until I do next time.

SRFCMB - #1

Well, as my wonderful cousin points out, I have totally abandoned this blog, and it might be time to pick it back up again. There's been so much going on lately, I think there will probably be a few posts in a short amount of time to catch the blog up. :-) I think I'll do a series called "Suzanne's Reasons for Continuing My Blog". I like it.

Suzanne's Reasons for Continuing My Blog #1: New Baby

I'm so excited to be pregnant again! We had been trying for several months, and every month I had my period again I would get frustrated at God and then wonder if he was giving me a taste of what the friends I pray for have been going through. Then I would go through this silly cycle of "I'm so mad at you, life's not fair/Please don't be mad and make me wait longer because I have a bad attitude!" Sometimes I'm so ridiculous, I crack myself up.

How I knew I was pregnant (other than the obvious): I was in the kitchen, thinking I might be pregnant, so I deserved to eat as many of the BBQ potato chips as I wanted. Now, I can usually polish off at least half a bag of these chips before I realize I'm full, which is why we rarely buy them. So I open the bag, eat about five chips, and then decide I'm really not that hungry for chips. I'm hungry for... vegetables? So I get out the frozen veggies, and I'm watching them boil and it dawns on me that I'm either crazy, or I'm pregnant. I also noticed that my chest was getting bigger, and as God has never answered that prayer without including a pregnancy, I decided I was most definitely pregnant. (I sincerely hope no men read this blog. I apologize if there are.)

I will say that the nausea with this one hasn't been so fun. It's not that is unbearable, or that I'm even sick all the time, it just will randomly hit me. So I'm just telling myself the other horror stories I've heard about women who were throwing up all 9 months and needed to go the hospital to get hydrated. I'm really glad that I'm a stay-at-home mom and can take a nap when Siah does. That has made life a lot easier. I have taught Siah that there's a baby in my belly, and he likes to pull my shirt up and say "hi baby!" then he pulls it back down and says, "Ni-night baby!" I'm just hoping he doesn't think I ate a baby. Mostly because he doesn't seem phased at all, and if he's ok with me eating babies, we have a parenting problem.

Life has definitely been more interesting in the last 2 weeks. Siah seems to have gotten into the "terrible two's" full swing. I hate calling them that, because he's not terrible, just two. And crazy. Yesterday we were riding in my new car (yay!) with Aunt Julia and all of the sudden from the backseat we keep hearing "Siah, NO. Siah, NO. Siah, NO." It was hilarious, but I felt terrible! Why can't he parrot "I love you"? On top of that, the day before he had gotten down one of his books, and as he turned each page he said, "I said No. I said No. I said No... The end!" We're just at that age of pushing boundaries, I guess. So I'm trying to watch my tone, as I can't stop saying no when he's misbehaving. But I can try not to yell, or be super-impatient or snappy.

Well, I'm sure there will be a lot more interesting (hopefully) stories to tell throughout this pregnancy. For one, I haven't been to jazzercize for the last 3 weeks because I didn't have a car when the Aztek finally died, then because when I did have an opportunity to go, I felt sick. So I'm going to try to go tomorrow morning before my women's small group. It should be interesting. I'm anticipating needing to stand and just march in the back at some point. :-)

Pilates with a Toddler

"Ok, now we're going to do an exercise called 'The Swimming'. Come to the edge of your mat, lay down and stretch out your arms and legs. Suck in your belly, lift your arms and legs and begin beating them percussively."

I hear little hands and feet coming closer.

"Don't worry about how high you're getting, try to get long, from the spine!"

A giggle.

"8 more, I know it's starting to burn!"

It is at this burning point that I feel the little hands on my back pushing up to stand. I turn to face my attacker and get a slobbery smile. :-)

I don't know how mothers ever get back into shape. It could be that they don't eat peanut M&Ms for breakfast, but who's to say? When your car is in the shop, your grocery supply is getting low and your breakfast options are extremely limited, you can only eat scrambled eggs so many times. And my husband feels that in this economic climate it's important to support Mars candies. So there you go.

Here in the Hood, we've had visitors of one kind or another for the last 6 weeks, and with my parents' departure Monday morning I have tried to get back into a routine and normal life somehow. I remember a time when I was exercising several times a week and doing Pilates during naptime like it was no big deal. But that was 6 weeks ago. Yesterday and today my rapidly growing Buster Brown has been foregoing his first nap and staying awake longer. I knew this day was coming, and in fact was slightly worried when other mothers were shocked that he was 10 months old and still taking 3 naps a day. (It's amazing how other people's shock at how you do something can whip you into whatever they're doing so quickly.) My mother pointed out that at some point he had to go to high school, and he probably wouldn't be taking 3 naps then. Good point Mom. So then when he started staying awake longer yesterday and today, I was happy. He's growing up, he's a big boy. Then I realized that I would just have to do my Pilates while he was awake. (Because it's only after my morning coffee that I'm at all inclined to get on my living room floor and pretend I'm swimming.) Naturally, he thought Mama crawling around in the living room and randomly swinging her arms and legs around was a super fun game. It's a lot harder than you might think to do Pilates when someone keeps using your legs (which are supposed to be doing graceful lifts and circles and whatever) to stand up and clap.

Every once in a while I see articles online about how to exercise with your child, and use them as a weight to make you that much stronger. Clearly they're not using a child who changes his mind about which direction he wants to go every 10 seconds. Not to mention that I wouldn't last 5 minutes doing lifts with him. I like to stick with small weights when I'm forced to use them. Low weight, high rep. That's my motto. Anything to make it easier.

Well, it's 11 am now, Siah has gone down for his first nap, and I'm going to use this window of free time to attempt to clean myself up, clean my house up, and get some work done on the computer. . . we'll see how that goes.

Happy Fourth of July!

It's been so great having my parents here. I feel so bad for them, they rode their bike in and it was 105 degrees when they got here, and Papa looked almost like another ethnicity. Josiah just stared at him, and they both looked ready to collapse. We had a relaxing day and date night on Friday, and today we spent the entire day at my Aunt Beth's house, swimming and playing with almost her entire neighborhood and all her friends. I think before we left, (counting kids) there were at least 40-50 people at the house. We had so much fun, and Josiah had his first, second, and third kisses. His little friend Sophia is about 3 weeks younger than he is, and we got Siah to kiss her. Picture to come!

Now to relax...

I'm so excited about this weekend. My parents are coming in today on the bike, and they'll be here for the long weekend, we're going to a fun party at Aunt Beth's, and TJ has the day off tomorrow! He came home from Austin last night around 11, and it was SO good to see him. I know work is important, but life is just so much better when we're together. I'm a little jealous though, because on Tuesday it rained so much they decided to go to a movie, and he got to see Transformers 2, which I still haven't seen. :-P

I can't believe how smart Josiah is. Yesterday he got in trouble for pulling all the dvds on the bottom shelf of the rack off onto the floor. He was sitting there surrounded by dvds, and when he saw me coming he dropped the two in his hands and starting crawling as fast as he could. It was all I could do not to laugh, you could almost hear him say, "Mama, I don't know, I didn't do it." I'm glad he doesn't have a sibling right now, because I'm sure they would get blamed for everything.